As you might guess from the entry that precedes this one, I went to confession today.
It sucked.
And you know what? I'm sick of confession sucking.
I know, that seems harsh to say about a grace-giving sacrament. But really, I've been holding this in for a looooong time.
Here's the issue:
1. Twelve parishes in town and they all hold confession at the same exact time on the same day - save for one that has confession one morning each week for half an hour.
2. Priests who don't give penance.
3. Priests who don't ask for an act of contrition.
4. Priests who try to rush you through like it's a drive-through.
5. Priests who try to tell you that your sins really aren't sins.
6. Priests who resemble Chatty Cathy.
7. Priests who render their advice and encouragement to you solely from Alcoholics Anonymous and/or Al-Anon. Or whatever secular/new age garbage they might be into.
8. Priests who ask you "Do you have a regular confessor that you can talk to about this?" (i.e. "I don't have time for you and/or I don't want to deal with you.")
9. Priests who say nothing to you about anything you've confessed. (See #4 above?)
10. Priests who change and alter the words of the absolution.
I AM SICK OF CONFESSION FEELING LIKE ANYTHING BUT!
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(When will I learn? The best confessions I've had have been by appointment with my own parish priest, face-t0-face, with no time constraints. This painting made me think of how it seems when I go to him. I just need to get over my pride and embarassment in confessing certain things to him.)
Yes, I think we'd all like confession to be an emotional, spirit-lifting experience all the time. But I'm realistic; I know it's not going to be like that most of the time. But still - could confession please resemble.....confession?
OK, OK, I know. I need to just accept and presume upon the grace and forgiveness the sacrament offered, even if not perfect. Fine.
But how many times?
How many times do I have to put up with crappy, non-standard confessions? I ask this taking into consideration all the usual excuses like the priest had a bad day, the priest simply forgot something, the priest isn't perfect, there was a long line outside the confessional, he's not a therapist, etc., etc., etc.
I say all that I have here because it now seems to be the exception - not the rule - for me to experience a proper confession.
And that IS something to complain about.
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10 comments:
I avoid the ones where I already know it to be a questionable experience, when at all possible.
You have a great confessor in Fr Mark. God is allowing your bad experiences elsewhere to get you over your pride in confessing only certain things to him. He's going to make you so sick of it that you have to rethink things. And then having to go to him alone will help you over committing those sins to begin with.
Pride and fear and from Satan. Unless you let Jesus break you free of that you will remain in bondage not only to pride and fear but to the very sins Satan wants you to continue committing by feeling it can be simply resolved by saving face and running elsewhere for absolution.
because if you can't come to the sacrament properly yourself - why should you expect others too???? I say this with no snarkiness!!!! This is, what those crazy charismatics call, a word of prophecy for you! haha!!
I happen to agree with you on everything you wrote. Sometimes I have to go elsewhere due to scheduling and I accept the "unpleasantries" that can sometimes occur (that's the nicest way I can put it) as a penance in itself. And I remind myself that Christ himself is there receiving my confession and giving me the grace I need for absolution and healing. He will make up for what is genuinely sought but not rec'd through his human ministers.
Well, I could say a lot on this topic but I'm in pain and going to bed! haha! maybe tomorrow! :)
I've had experiences at Confession that left me tasting heaven and I've had others where I felt like I was holding a number to get service at the deli. I think Portal made some very good points. I have nothing new or original to offer - just my empathy.
I agree with you 100% I hate walking out of confession feeling like I should go to confession. Generally speaking the sacrement is so powerful you feel like a million bucks when you leave. But at times I question if it is even valid, or I felt rushed and ended up skipping important stuff. So then I go another week feeling wieghed down.
I actually just say Fr mark for confession the first time last week. It was in his office, he is a good confessor indeed.
Portal and Brandon,
Just having you remind me of how good Father Mark is for confession makes my heart ache to have the sacrament done the right way. Why oh why don't I listen to my inner voice and make an appt wiht him in the first place?
Ok, so I am not Catholic, but whatever- Char, you answered your own question! Why bother going to the crappy confession? Go to the good one. You know you will be glad you did. If you can confess what you did on this blog, you can do it face-to-face by appointment, right?
I've only had one Priest where I *REFUSED* to go to him but that was because I had severe reasons to believe he would not only remember my sins but also use them against me in a public debate (I called him out privately when he preached a homily and complained about the Church's stance on women not being allowed to be priests and why couldn't a priest be married and he hated me from that day forward). I know he has the seal of the Confessional, but you know, sometimes your instincts about people are right regardless of what the law states.
My advice is to tell the Priest of whom you just did a Confession with and let him know how it made you feel. He, himself might be in such a rut that he doesn't recognize how awful it is. You don't have to go back to him but to kindly and out of love tell him what you just wrote here.
otherwise, I agree with everything Portal wrote. Great advice there!
God bless you, especially during your next Confession! :o)
I completely agree! I told my mom once that a priest hadn't given me any penance and it felt very bizarre - afterall I had sins to confess! She said he probably forgot b/c he was old so I said a few Our Fathers anyway, but it still felt cheap. I've also had a priest go through each and every sing - literally - and tell me why it wasn't a sin or how I can do better next time.. it wasn't too bad, but there was a line of people and 15 minutes left, so it kinda felt weird...I also went to a different church once and when I was going through a couple of my sins, I was nervous, so I kind of half giggled/like an embarass kind of giggle.. and he told me when I was done confessing that confession was a serious thing and I shouldn't make light of my sins.. as if I was having a gay old time with it.. lol! ... I don't know.. Father Mark is DEF the best confessor I've ever dealt with.. but he knows me and my voice so if I ever had anything extremely embarassing or just something I'm not comfortable with telling him, I'll have to go elsewhere.. I take comfort in what Brandon told me about priests having the grace/gift not to remember anyone's sins when they're done with confession...we can hope right? :)p
I just had my first confession at our new parish. While standing in line, I noticed that I could hear what he said outside the confessional. So, when my turn came, I made sure to speak quietly enough that my sins would not be overheard.
Perhaps too quietly! I know he could not have heard my list because the penance did not fit at all.
Next time I will confess my pride, for if I had been truly repentent, it would not have mattered what the people in line heard from the booth.
Glad to find your blog! It's a refreshing change of pace.
Here's an example of new style confessions introduced in Europe:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgmQM9cDPHk
I totally agree! one of my complaints....once a priest told me i didnt say my act of contrition right. I was like, ten. And I was never taught the optional last part to the "My God I am sorry for my sins, etc" one and the priest was like, you forgot your act of contrition! And he made me go out to the blassed Sacrament chapel and pick up a copy and come back and say it!
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